sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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