i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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