Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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