Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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