I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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