separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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