just come out here and I will go home with you...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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