If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
