I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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