forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
