I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
