Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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