So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
