thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
