sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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