He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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