Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
