I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
