I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
