I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize