Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
