4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
