2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
