I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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