Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
