youre lurking in front of me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
