i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
