Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love having hate sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
