Say something about gay babies.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
