Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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