how can u be prego again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
