I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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