In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
