FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
