I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
