I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize