I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im holly from the hills drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
