So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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