If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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