is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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