Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
