so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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