Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
