She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
