i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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