its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
