butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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