...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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