I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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