even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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