after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
