nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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