the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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