Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
