It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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