So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
