So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
