Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
