That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
