no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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