His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
