the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
