I want you more than these girls want KFC
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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