just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
