if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
