so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
