i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
