You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
