If i come over, it means nothing
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
