I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
