haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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