I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You smell like stripper and shame
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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