the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
