Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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