I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
