the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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