I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if only i could text you this smell
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize