I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
