Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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