I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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