Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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