Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
