he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
