I need to stop coming to work sober
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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