Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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