This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
