I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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