last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
