I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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