I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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