So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
