We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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